A Series Of Unfortunate Events Reptile Room Pdf

Full text of ' *THE REPTILE ROOM* Digitized by the Internet Archive in 2014 Reptile Room, The Lemony Snicket Lex: 1040 RL: 6.4 GRL: V Pts: 9 THE REPTILE ROOM A Series of Unfortunate Events BOOK the Second THE REPTILE ROOM by LEMONY SNICKET illustrations by Brett Helquist SCHOLASTIC INC. New York Toronto London Auckland Sydney Mexico Ciry New Delhi Hong Kong No part of this publication may be reproduced in whole or in part, or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without written permission of the publisher. For information regarding permission, write to HarperCollins Children's Books, a division of HarperCollins Publishers, 10 East 53rd Street, New York, NY 10022.

A clever, suspenseful mystery in series. Read Common Sense Media's The Reptile Room: A Series of Unfortunate Events, Book 2 review, age rating, and parents guide. Series my main question is why the hell is an.The Reptile Room: A Series of Unfortunate Events: Book 2 by Lemony Snicket Grades 3-7. Quiz and writing prompts PDF File Edit the quiz questions and.know what Lemony Snickets books are about.

ISBN 0-439-20648-0 Text copyright © 1 999 by Lemony Snicket. Illustrations copyright © 1999 by Brett Helquist. All rights reserved. Published by Scholastic Inc., 555 Broadway, New York, NY 10012, by arrangement with HarperCollins Children's Books, a division of HarperCollins Publishers. SCHOLASTIC and associated logos are trademarks and/or registered trademarks of Scholastic Inc. 12 11 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 3 4 5/0 Printed in the U.S.A. 40 First Scholastic printing, October 2000 Typography by Margaret Wagner For Beatrice — My love for you shall live forever.

You, however, did not. THE REPTILE ROOM CHAPTER One The stretch of road that leads out of the city, past Hazy Harbor and into the town of Tedia, is perhaps the most unpleasant in the world. It is called Lousy Lane. Lousy Lane runs through fields that are a sickly gray color, in which a handful of scraggly trees produce apples so sour that one only has to look at them to feel ill. Lousy Lane traverses the Grim River, a body of water that is nine-tenths mud and that con- tains extremely unnerving fish, and it encircles a horseradish factory, so the entire area smells bitter and strong.

I am sorry to tell you that this story begins with the Baudelaire orphans traveling along this A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS most displeasing road, and that from this moment on, the story only gets worse. Of all the people in the world who have miserable lives — and, as I'm sure you know, there are quite a few — the Baudelaire youngsters take the cake, a phrase which here means that more horrible things have happened to them than just about anybody. Their misfortune began with an enor- mous fire that destroyed their home and killed both their loving parents, which is enough sad- ness to last anyone a lifetime, but in the case of these three children it was only the bad beginning. After the fire, the siblings were sent to live with a distant relative named Count Olaf, a terrible and greedy man.

The Baudelaire parents had left behind an enormous fortune, which would go to the children when Violet came of age, and Count Olaf was so obsessed with getting his filthy hands on the money that he hatched a devious plan that gives me nightmares to this day. He was caught just in time, but he escaped and vowed to get ahold # 2 7 i ■ * A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS * going to hide her in a suitcase to save money.' 'I'm kidding about that. But I'm not kidding about this.' Uncle Monty, his face flushed with excitement, took one of the folded papers and began ripping it into tiny pieces. 'This is Stephano's ticket.

He's not going to Peru with us after all. Tomorrow morning, I'm going to tell him that he needs to stay here and look after my specimens instead. That way we can run a suc- cessful expedition in peace.' 'But Uncle Monty — ' Klaus said. 'How many times must I remind you it's not polite to interrupt?' Uncle Monty inter- rupted, shaking his head.

'In any case, I know what you're worried about. You're worried what will happen if he stays here alone with the Incredibly Deadly Viper. But don't worry. The Viper will join us on the expedition, traveling in one of our snake carrying cases.

I don't know why you're looking so glum, Sunny. I thought you'd be happy to have the Viper's company. So ¥■7 2 THE REPTILE ROOM don't look so worried, bambini. As you can see, your Uncle Monty has the situation in hand.'

When somebody is a little bit wrong — say, when a waiter puts nonfat milk in your espresso macchiato, instead of lowfat milk — it is often quite easy to explain to them how and why they are wrong. But if somebody is surpassingly wrong — say, when a waiter bites your nose instead of taking your order — you can often be so surprised that you are unable to say anything at all. Paralyzed by how wrong the waiter is, your mouth would hang slightly open and your eyes would blink over and over, but you would be unable to say a word. This is what the Baudelaire children did.

Uncle Monty was so wrong about Stephano, in thinking he was a her- petological spy rather than Count Olaf, that the three siblings could scarcely think of a way to tell him so. 'Come now, my dears,' Uncle Monty said. 'We've wasted enough of the morning on talk.

We have to — ow!' He interrupted himself with * 7 3 ¥. A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS * a cry of surprise and pain, and fell to the ground.

'Uncle Monty!' The Baudelaire children saw that a large, shiny object was on top of him, and realized a moment later what the object was: it was the heavy brass reading lamp, the one standing next to the large cush- ioned chair in Klaus's room.

Uncle Monty said again, pulling the lamp off him. 'That really hurt. My shoulder may be sprained. It's a good thing it didn't land on my head, or it really could have done some damage.'

'But where did it come from?' Violet asked. 'It must have fallen from the window,' Uncle Monty said, pointing up to where Klaus's room was. 'Whose room is that? Klaus, I believe it is yours. You must be more careful.

You can't dan- gle heavy objects out the window like that. Look what almost happened.' 'But that lamp wasn't anywhere near my win- dow,' Klaus said. 'I keep it in the alcove, so I can read in that large chair.'

¥ 7 4 *; THE REPTILE ROOM 'Really, Klaus,' Uncle Monty said, standing up and handing him the lamp. 'Do you honestly expect me to believe that the lamp danced over to the window and leaped onto my shoulder? Please put this back in your room, in a safe place, and we'll say no more about it.' 'But — ' Klaus said, but his older sister inter- rupted him. 'I'll help you, Klaus,' Violet said.

'We'll find a place for it where it's safe.' 'Well, don't be too long,' Uncle Monty said, rubbing his shoulder. 'We'll see you in the Reptile Room. Come, Sunny.' Walking through the entry hall, the four parted ways at the stairs, with Uncle Monty and Sunny going to the enormous door of the Reptile Room, and Violet and Klaus carrying the heavy brass lamp up to Klaus's room.

'You know very well' Klaus hissed to his sis- ter, 'that I was not careless with this lamp.' 'Of course I know that,' Violet whispered. 'But there's no use trying to explain that to * 7 5 * A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS Uncle Monty. He thinks Stephano is a herpe- tological spy.

You know as well as I do that Stephano was responsible for this.' 'How clever of you to figure that out,' said a voice at the top of the stairs, and Violet and Klaus were so surprised they almost dropped the lamp. It was Stephano, or, if you prefer, it was Count Olaf.

It was the bad guy. 'But then, you've always been clever children,' he contin- ued. 'A little too clever for my taste, but you won't be around for long, so I'm not troubled by it.' 'You're not very clever yourself, ' Klaus said fiercely. 'This heavy brass lamp almost hit us, but if anything happens to my sisters or me, you'll never get your hands on the Baudelaire fortune.'

'Dear me, dear me,' Stephano said, his grimy teeth showing as he smiled. 'If I wanted to harm you, orphan, your blood would already be pouring down these stairs like a waterfall. No, I'm not going to harm a hair on any Baudelaire $ 7 6 ¥ 1 1 o s THE REPTILE ROOM £ would be easier, they realized, to argue with the snake-shaped hedge than with Mr.

Poe when he had made up his mind. Violet was about to try reasoning with him one more time when a horn honked behind them. The Baudelaires and Mr. Poe got out of the way of the approaching automobile, a small gray car with a very skinny driver. The car stopped in front of the house and the skinny person got out, a tall man in a white coat.

'May we help you?' Poe called, as he and the children approached. Lucafont,' the tall man said, point- ing to himself with a big, solid hand.

'I received a call that there's been a terrible accident involv- ing a snake.' 'You're here already?'

'But Stephano has scarcely had time to call, let alone for you to drive here.' 'I believe that speed is of the essence in an emergency, don't you?'

Lucafont said. 'If ^ 1 1 1 $ * A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS an autopsy is to be performed, it should be done immediately.' 'Of course, of course,' Mr. Poe said quickly.

'I was just surprised.' 'Where is the body?' Lucafont asked, walking toward the door.

'Stephano can tell you,' Mr. Poe said, open- ing the door of the house. Stephano was waiting in the entryway, holding a coffeepot.

'I'm going to make some coffee,' he said. 'Who wants some?' 'I'll have a cup,' Dr.

Lucafont said. 'Nothing like a hearty cup of coffee before starting the day's work.' 'Shouldn't you take a look at Dr. Montgomery first?'

Lucafont,' Stephano said. 'Time is of the essence in an emergency, don't you think?' 'Yes, yes, I suppose you're right,' Dr. Lucafont said.

Montgomery is in the Reptile ■ 1 1 2 A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS likely as Uncle Monty returning to life. But it seemed to the Baudelaire orphans, as the tattoo became evident, that at least a little bit of Uncle Monty had come back to them as they proved Count Olaf's treachery once and for all. 'That's the eye, all right,' Mr. Poe said, and stopped rubbing Count Olaf's ankle. 'You are most definitely Count Olaf, and you are most definitely under arrest.' 'And I am most definitely shocked,' Dr.

Lucafont said, clapping his oddly solid hands to his head. 'As am I,' Mr. Poe agreed, grabbing Count Olaf's arm in case he tried to run anywhere. 'Violet, Klaus, Sunny — please forgive me for not believing you earlier. It just seemed too far-fetched that he would have searched you out, disguised himself as a laboratory assistant, and concocted an elaborate plan to steal your fortune.' 'I wonder what happened to Gustav, Uncle Monty's real lab assistant?' Klaus wondered out ¥ l 7 6 ■¥.

* THE REPTILE ROOM loud. 'If Gustav hadn't quit, then Uncle Monty never would have hired Count Olaf.' Count Olaf had been quiet this whole time, ever since the tattoo had appeared. His shiny eyes had darted this way and that, watching everyone carefully the way a lion will watch a herd of antelope, looking for the one that would be best to kill and eat. But at the mention of Gustav's name, he spoke up. 'Gustav didn't quit,' he said in his wheezy voice. 'Gustav is dead!

One day when he was out collecting wildflowers I drowned him in the Swarthy Swamp. Then I forged a note saying he quit.' Count Olaf looked at the three children as if he were going to run over and strangle them, but instead he stood absolutely still, which somehow was even scarier. 'But that's nothing compared to what I will do to you, orphans.

You have won this round of the game, but I will return for your fortune, and for your precious skin.' 'This is not a game, you horrible man,' Mr. N l 7 7 • A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS Poe said. 'Dominos is a game. Water polo is a game.

Murder is a crime, and you will go to jail for it. I will drive you to the police station in town right this very minute. Oh, drat, I can't. My car is wrecked. Well, I'll take you down in Dr. Montgomery's jeep, and you children can follow along in Dr. Lucafont's car.

I guess you'll be able to see the inside of a doctor's automo- bile, after all.' 'It might be easier,' Dr. Lucafont said, 'to put Stephano in my car, and have the children follow behind. After all, Dr. Montgomery's body is in my car, so there's no room for all three chil- dren, anyway.' Poe said, 'I'd hate to disappoint the children after they've had such a trying time.

We can move Dr. Montgomery's body to the jeep, and — ' 'We couldn't care less about the inside of a doctor's automobile,' Violet said impatiently.

'We only made that up so we wouldn't be trapped alone with Count Olaf.' L 7 8 -f- THE REPTILE ROOM 'You shouldn't tell lies, orphans,' Count Olaf said. 'I don't think you are in a position to give moral lectures to children, Olaf,' Mr. Poe said sternly. 'All right, Dr. Lucafont, you take him.'

Lucafont grabbed Count Olaf's shoulder with one of his oddly stiff hands, and led the way out of the Reptile Room and to the front door, stopping at the doorway to give Mr. Poe and the three children a thin smile. 'Say good-bye to the orphans, Count Olaf,' Dr. Lucafont said.

'Good-bye,' Count Olaf said. 'Good-bye,' Violet said. 'Good-bye,' Klaus said. Poe coughed into his handkerchief and gave a sort of disgusted half-wave at Count Olaf, indicating good-bye. But Sunny didn't say any- thing. Violet and Klaus looked down at her, surprised that she hadn't said 'Yeet!'

Or any of her various terms for 'good-bye.' But Sunny was staring at Dr. Lucafont with a 1 7 9 A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS determined look in her eye, and in a moment she had leaped into the air and bitten him on the hand. Violet said, and was about to apolo- gize for her behavior when she saw Dr. Lucafont's whole hand come loose from his arm and fall to the floor. As Sunny clamped down on it with her four sharp teeth, the hand made a crack- ling sound, like breaking wood or plastic rather than skin or bone. And when Violet looked at the place where Dr.

Lucafont's hand had been, she saw no blood or indication of a wound, but a shiny, metal hook. Lucafont looked at the hook, too, and then at Violet, and grinned hor- ribly. Count Olaf grinned too, and in a second the two of them had darted out the door.

'The hook-handed man!' Violet shouted.

'He's not a doctor! He's one of Count Olaf's henchmen!' Instinctively, Violet grabbed the air where the two men had been standing, but of course they weren't there. She opened the front door wide and saw the two of them sprinting ^180^ * THE REPTILE ROOM through the snake-shaped hedges. Cisco Asa 5505 Keygen License. 'After them!' Klaus shouted, and the three Baudelaires started to run through the door. Poe stepped in front of them and blocked their way.

'But it's the hook-handed man!' Violet shouted. 'He and Olaf will get away!'

'I can't let you run out after two dangerous criminals,' Mr. 'I am responsible for the safety of you children, and I will not have any harm come to you.'

'Then you go after them!' Poe began to step out the door, but he stopped when he heard the roar of a car engine starting up. The two ruffians — a word which here means 'horrible people' — had reached Dr. Lucafont's car, and were already driving away. 'Get in the jeep!' Violet exclaimed.

'Follow them!' ¥ 1 8 l «fc A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS U A grown man,' Mr. Poe said sternly, 'does not get involved in a car chase.

This is a job for the police. I'll go call them now, and maybe they can set up roadblocks.' The Baudelaire youngsters watched Mr. Poe shut the door and race to the telephone, and their hearts sank. They knew it was no use. By the time Mr. Poe was through explaining the situation to the police, Count Olaf and the hook-handed man were sure to be long gone.

Suddenly exhausted, Violet, Klaus, and Sunny walked to Uncle Monty's enormous staircase and sat down on the bottom step, listening to the faint sound of Mr. Poe talking on the phone. They knew that trying to find Count Olaf and the hook- handed man, particularly when it grew dark, would be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. Despite their anxiety over Count Olaf's escape, the three orphans must have fallen asleep for a few hours, for the next thing they knew, it was nighttime and they were still • / cS 2 THE REPTILE ROOM on the bottom step. Somebody had placed a blanket over them, and as they stretched themelves, they saw three men in overalls walk- ing out of the Reptile Room, carrying some of the reptiles in their cages. Behind them walked a chubby man in a brightly colored plaid suit, who stopped when he saw they were awake. 'Hey, kids,' the chubby man said in a loud, booming voice.

'I'm sorry if I woke you up, but my team has to move quickly.' 'Who are you?' Violet asked. It is confusing to fall asleep in the daytime and wake up at night. 'What are you doing with Uncle Monty's rep- tiles?' It is also confusing to real- ize you have been sleeping on stairs, rather than in a bed or sleeping bag. It is always confus- ing why anyone would choose to wear a plaid suit.

'The name's Bruce,' Bruce said. 'I'm the * 183 * A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS director of marketing for the Herpetological Society. Your friend Mr. Poe called me to come and retrieve the snakes now that Dr.

Montgomery has passed on. 'Retrieve' means 'take away.' ' 'We know what the word 'retrieve' means,' Klaus said, 'but why are you taking them? Where are they going?' 'Well, you three are the orphans, right? You'll be moving on to some other relative who won't die on you like Montgomery did.

And these snakes need to be taken care of, so we're giving them away to other scientists, zoos, and retire- ment homes. Those we can't find homes for we'll have put to sleep.' 'But they're Uncle Monty's collection!' 'It took him years to find all these rep- tiles! You can't just scatter them to the winds!'

'It's the way it has to be,' Bruce said smoothly. He was still talking in a very loud voice, for no apparent reason. M l 8 4 # THE REPTILE ROOM * 'Viper!' Sunny shouted, and began to crawl toward the Reptile Room. 'What my sister means,' Violet explained, 'is that she's very close friends with one of the snakes. Could we take just one with us — the Incredibly Deadly Viper?'

'First off, no' Bruce said. 'That guy Poe said all the snakes now belong to us. And second off, if you think I'm going to let small children near the Incredibly Deadly Viper, think again.' 'But the Incredibly Deadly Viper is harm- less,' Violet said.

'Its name is a misnomer.' Bruce scratched his head. 'That means 'a wrong name,' Klaus ex- plained.

'Uncle Monty discovered it, so he got to name it.' 'But this guy was supposed to be brilliant,' Bruce said. He reached into a pocket in his plaid jacket and pulled out a cigar. 'Giving a snake a wrong name doesn't sound brilliant to me.

It sounds idiotic. But then, what can you expect A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS 4 from a man whose own name was Montgomery Montgomery?' 'It is not nice,' Klaus said, 'to lampoon someone's name like that.' 'I don't have time to ask you what 'lampoon' means,' Bruce said. 'But if the baby here wants to wave bye-bye to the Incredibly Deadly Viper, she'd better do it soon.

It's already outside.' Sunny began to crawl toward the front door, but Klaus was not through talking to Bruce.

'Our Uncle Monty was brilliant,' he said firmly. 'He was a brilliant man,' Violet agreed, 'and we will always remember him as such.'

Sunny shrieked, in mid-crawl, and her siblings smiled down at her, surprised she had uttered a word that everyone could understand. Bruce lit his cigar and blew smoke into the air, then shrugged.

'It's nice you feel that way, kid,' he said. 'Good luck wherever they put you.' He looked at a shiny diamond watch on his wrist, and turned to talk to the men in l 8 6 i THE REPTILE ROOM overalls. 'Let's get a move on. In five minutes we have to be back on that road that smells like ginger.' 'It's horseradish' Violet corrected, but Bruce had already walked away.

She and Klaus looked at each other, and then began following Sunny outside to wave good-bye to their reptile friends. But as they reached the door, Mr. Poe walked into the room and blocked them again. 'I see you're awake,' he said. 'Please go upstairs and go to sleep, then.

We have to get up very early in the morning.' 'We just want to say good-bye to the snakes,' Klaus said, but Mr.

Poe shook his head. 'You'll get in Bruce's way,' he replied. 'Plus, I would think you three would never want to see a snake again.' The Baudelaire orphans looked at one an- other and sighed.

Everything in the world seemed wrong. It was wrong that Uncle Monty was dead. It was wrong that Count Olaf and the hook-handed man had escaped.

It was i 8 7 A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS wrong for Bruce to think of Monty as a person with a silly name, instead of a brilliant scientist. And it was wrong to assume that the children never wanted to see a snake again. The snakes, and indeed everything in the Reptile Room, were the last reminders the Baudelaires had of the few happy days they'd spent there at the house — the few happy days they'd had since their parents had perished. Even though they understood that Mr. Poe wouldn't let them live alone with the reptiles, it was all wrong never to see them again, without even saying good-bye. Poe's instructions, Violet, Klaus, and Sunny rushed out the front door where the men in overalls were loading the cages into a van with 'Herpetological Society' written on the back.

It was a full moon, and the moonlight reflected off the glass walls of the Reptile Room as though it were a large jewel with a bright, bright shine — brilliant, one might say. When Bruce had used the word 'brilliant' about 188 * THE REPTILE ROOM Uncle Monty, he meant 'having a reputation for cleverness or intelligence.' But when the chil- dren used the word — and when they thought of it now, staring at the Reptile Room glowing in the moonlight — it meant more than that. It meant that even in the bleak circumstances of their current situation, even throughout the series of unfortunate events that would happen to them for the rest of their lives, Uncle Monty and his kindness would shine in their memo- ries. Uncle Monty was brilliant, and their time with him was brilliant. Bruce and his men from the Herpetological Society could dismantle Uncle Monty's collection, but nobody could ever dismantle the way the Baudelaires would think of him.

'Good-bye, good-bye!' The Baudelaire orphans called, as the Incredibly Deadly Viper was loaded into the truck. 'Good-bye, good-bye!' They called, and even though the Viper was Sunny's special friend, Violet and Klaus found themselves crying along with their sister, and J 8 9 r: A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS when the Incredibly Deadly Viper looked up to see them, they saw that it was crying too, tiny shiny tears falling from its green eyes. The Viper was brilliant, too, and as the children looked at one another, they saw their own tears and the way they shone. 'You're brilliant,' Violet murmured to Klaus, 'reading up on the Mamba du Mai.'

'You're brilliant,' Klaus murmured back, 'get- ting the evidence out of Stephano's suitcase.' Sunny said again, and Violet and Klaus gave their baby sister a hug. Even the youngest Baudelaire was brilliant, for distract- ing the adults with the Incredibly Deadly Viper.

'Good-bye, good-bye!' The brilliant Baudelaires called, and waved to Uncle Monty's reptiles. They stood together in the moonlight, and kept waving, even when Bruce shut the doors of the van, even as the van drove past the snake- shaped hedges and down the driveway to Lousy Lane, and even when it turned a corner and disappeared into the dark. L 9 o; LEMONY SNICKET was born in a small town where the inhabitants were suspicious and prone to riot. He now lives in the city.

During his spare time he gathers evidence and is considered something of an expert by leading authorities. These are his first books for HarperCollins.

Visit him on the Web /it or E-mail to lsnicket@harpercollins.com BRETT HELQUISTwas born in Gonado, Arizona, grew up in Orem, Utah, and now lives in New York City. He earned a bachelor's degree in fine arts from Brigham Young University and has been illustrating ever since. His art has appeared in many publications, including Cricket magazine and The New York Times. To My Kind Editor, I am writing to you from the shores of Lake Lachrymose, where I am examining the remains of Aunt Josephine's house xn order to completely understand everything that happened when the Baudelaire orphans found themselves here.

Please go to the Cafe Kafka at 4 P.M. Nex t Wednesday and order a pot of jasmine tea from the tallest waiter on duty. Unless m enemies have succeeded, he will bring you a large envelope instead, inside the envelope, you will find my description of these horrific events, entitled THE WIDE WINDOW, as well as a sketch of Curdled Cave, a small bag of shattered glass, and the menu from the Anxious Clown restaurant. There will also be a test tube containing one (1) Lachrymose Leech, so that Mr. Helguist can draw an accurate illustration. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES should this test tube be opened.

Remember, you are my last hope that the tales of the Baudelaire orphans can finally be told to the general public. With all due respect, Lemony Snicket Dear Reader, If you have picked up this book with the hope of finding a simple and cheery tale, I'm afraid you have picked up the wrong book altogether. The story may seem cheery at first, when the Baudelaire children spend time in the company of some interesting reptiles and a giddy uncle, but don t be fooled. If you know anything at all about the unlucky Baudelaire children, you already know that even pleasant events lead down the same road to misery. In fact, within the pages you now hold in your hands, the three siblings endure a car accident, a terrible odor, a deadly serpent, a long knife, a large brass reading lamp, and the re- appearance of a person they'd hoped never to see again. I am bound to record these tragic events, but you are free to put this book back on the shelf and seek something lighter. With all due respect Lemony Snicket ISBN □-H3 c l-2E7MS-3 This edition is only available for distribution through the school market.

Cover art © 1999 by Brett Helquist SCHOLASTIC INC. $3.99 US Cover design by Alison Donalty.